PERFECTIONISM
Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look.
On a very basic level, we believe that we should be happy.
And if we aren’t, something is wrong. Or something is wrong with us – which doesn’t feel very good. So, we grab on to the idea that if we can achieve some sort of perfect life, all will be well.
“If only I exercised more, had straight hair, more money, a better partner, a fairer boss, more well-behaved kids, everything would be perfect.
“If I were more organized, more internally driven, less vain, less MYSELF, I would have the life I am supposed to have.”
Anyone familiar with this trip? The ubiquitous inner critic that whispers these sweet nothings in your ear like an announcer at a sporting event?
This inner critic is persuasive and relentless. Often, we believe her. And we try to make her happy.
We get caught up in not wanting to be who we are.
Our lives become defined by constant striving – to be better, brighter, faster, thinner, more successful. It’s fueled by this belief that somehow if things were different, if YOU were different, all would be well. And it makes our lives a series of performances that are destined to fail.
Because we cannot win by becoming someone we are not. We cannot thrive when we are constantly evaluating ourselves in comparison to others we see as better.
Don’t believe the hype.
To be alive today is to be inundated by an endless stream of “things” to help us create a perfect life – creams and machines, diets and toys that promise to solve our problems. We buy into it, believing the hype, as if perfection itself could ward off this icky feeling of shame or unworthiness. If what the outside world sees is perfection, then everything must be okay.
Perfectionism is a way of thinking that says this: ‘If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect, I can avoid or minimize criticism, blame and ridicule.
No pain, no joy
While we do our best to hide our imperfections and cover-up our warts, we suppress our other emotions as well… our spontaneity, our joy, our fullness, and light. If we insulate ourselves against feeling pain, we insulate against joy. And we increase our misery.
Here’s the good news
Even while we are busy hitching our identities to these fixed ideas, that we’re too much, we’re too little, fearing that we are bad and hoping that we are good – it never touches our basic wealth.
Everything is workable, and these deeper, darker feelings lead us to the path back to ourselves. When we feel depressed or lonely or betrayed or ashamed, this is the moment of our awakening. This is when the transformation takes place, and we discover who we are.
Therapy can help
Suffering is universal and our most potent teacher. I can help you open to those painful feelings, warm towards them, offer them love and acceptance.
Let me help you honor all parts of you. Let’s make some room for that brilliant light of yours to shine through. Go ahead and reach out. I’m here to help you get on the path towards healing.