THERAPY FOR MEN

It’s not easy being a man.

Certainly not in today’s world. So much is asked of men. So many conflicting messages. Be strong. Be soft. Be a good dad. Be a good partner and provider. Help around the house. Have empathy! Don’t solve problems. Just listen. Do fix the broken dryer. Do change the lightbulbs. Assume an equal division of labor. Know exactly what to do, how to do it, and – do it right.

Do you ever wonder, “How did I end up here?” or “How did I get cast in this role?”

There comes a point in every man’s life when things start to feel out of control. It’s important that you know you are not alone. If you are going through a rough patch in life right now, therapy can help you get things back on track much faster than trying to do it on your own.

“You talkin’ to me?” Robert De Niro, Taxi Driver

Here are some common areas of stress:

Your relationship is a mess. You’re not sure what you are doing wrong, but you know you aren’t getting it right. You’re at a loss for how to meet your partner’s needs.

Family. You love and treasure your family. But you don’t always know where you fit in or what your role is. Sometimes you feel trapped and overwhelmed, disconnected from important parts of yourself and maybe even your kids. You feel lost.

Career. You are working hard, doing your best to be successful at work. But you can’t say that your job makes you happy. You do it because you must support your family and pay the bills. Your career feels like a life sentence.

Is this all there is? This question that used to be a whisper every now and then is getting louder. You find yourself wanting more and wondering what that is.

You are missing your younger self. You long to feel young again. You want to have that fearless, energized feeling you used to have when the possibilities and opportunities seemed limitless.

Depression and anxiety. You don’t feel like yourself anymore. You’re constantly worrying about everything. You can’t seem to relax or get away from it. Or you just feel flat – nothing feels fun. You can’t seem to find that part of yourself that used to enjoy life. You’re miserable.

If any of these are a fit for your experience, therapy can help.

So why is starting therapy so hard?

• I don’t like failure. Asking for help can feel like admitting defeat.
• Therapy is for other people. You’re a fan of therapy, but it’s just not for you. Therapy is for people with real problems.
• Real men don’t go to therapy. You think, “I should be able to do this on my own. I should be able to fix this.” You say, “It’s no big deal” or “I’m fine.” You keep telling yourself this despite all the signs that you aren’t doing fine, that you could really use someone to talk to.
• Feelings. Going to therapy means talking about feelings. You don’t want to talk about feelings. You just want to feel better.

Here’s the thing – You are human. Humans feel pain.

Every man I have ever worked with has had a deep well of emotions. They just didn’t know what to do with them. Being vulnerable is risky; exposing those softer parts of ourselves feels threatening. We avoid it at all costs. We lock up our deeper feelings and throw away the key. And by doing this we cut off a tremendous part of our wisdom and strength.

Men are people, too.

We hear a lot about women and caretaking, but what about men? Men are the original caretakers and protectors. (Isn’t that what being the breadwinner is all about?)

Yes, gender roles are changing, and this is good news. But cultural norms run deep. Most men still carry around the idea that success has everything to do with how much money they make, how well they can support their families. And that the ultimate failure is not being able to support their families financially.

What does this look like in real time?

Lots of pressure and responsibility.

Lots of time and focus on a job that might not be your passion; limiting your options and putting everyone else first, stuffing down your struggles, your dreams.

All the while you are feeling not enough for your wife, partner, children or families. You are actively shrinking, becoming less than who you really are or what you want to be.

For years, men secured their freedom financially – by making enough money to be able to make the choices they wanted to in life. Having enough money insulated them from all the sacrifices they were making.

But money isn’t everything, and it certainly can’t fill the voids in our lives.

It’s time to wake up from your male slumber and become fully human.

This is about true freedom.

This is about choosing not to live out the cultural stereotypes around what it means to be a man.

This means discovering your own story.

This means finding the courage to explore and own your internal struggles. It means not shrinking away from feelings and fears around intimacy and vulnerability. It means meeting this challenge fully and taking back your bold and fearless self.

When we stop avoiding our feelings and pain, they become our assets, our wisdom, our compass. Getting in touch with your feelings – giving airtime to how you feel about yourself, the world, what you want out of this life, who you want to be and what really matters to you – is to step into your power.

Therapy can help.

I absolutely love helping men who are on the verge of this growth. Let me help you open the door to your inner experience and wisdom and point you toward a new potential in life – a life that you can be proud of and one in which you can be happy playing the main character.