HEALING THE BONDS OF CHILDHOOD
Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
Every story has a beginning.
We come into the world already in relationship. Our parents, as our primary attachment figures, play a central role in shaping our world view. Is it safe to explore and take emotional risks? Can we trust that the grown-ups in our life are going to be there for us when we need them, emotionally and physically?
How we bond with our parents profoundly impacts how we bond with others as well as how we respond when we are separated from them.
When parents are sensitive to our needs and consistently available, we can form a secure attachment. This secure base enables us to fly from the nest, to be bold, expansive, creative and brave. There is trust that our parents are able and willing to meet our needs, whatever they may be.
What if we didn’t get what we needed from our parents?
Sometimes parents aren’t good relationship role models. This can happen in many ways, both subtle and obvious. Big emotions can be taboo – you do as you’re told, and you don’t cry about it. Some parents battle depression and anxiety; sometimes their love feels conditional. And sometimes there is trauma.
Each of these factors erodes our sense of safety with our parents. Without a secure base, we take fewer risks, make ourselves smaller, swallow our feelings. We compensate by adapting to our environment. Children are resilient.
But our light is diminished. We are not fully alive.
What’s your story?
I imagine part of your story includes the work of being a woman today – caught up in the relentless hum of life – working, parenting, loving, caretaking, perfecting, trying to get it right and often feeling like you don’t. You sometimes feel that you are getting the short end of the stick, that you have more to offer, that “there must be more to life than this.” And then you get carried along with the tide. There is always so much to do.
Chances are, if you didn’t get what you needed when you were young, you are still struggling with it in your adult relationships. Research shows that our attachment fears and longings will play out in our current adult relationships.
Knowledge is Power. Therapy can help.
We all have unmet needs. We all have parts we hide. This is universal.
If we can make sense of our life story, we can change it.
Realizing the profound impact of our childhood experiences and the ways in which we adapted to our parent-child relationship opens the doors for us to make lasting change.
Let me hear your story. I can help you make sense of it, explore your deeper feelings and help you access your inner strength and wisdom. I can help you move forward in your life, build self-confidence and achieve clarity about your wants and needs.
It’s time to reconnect with the infinite power of your light.